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Not the angry sort of mad, just the annoyed sort. ‘I’m sorry for being that guy who spends more time with you than I do on my own! I’m sorry for always being there when you needed me! I’m sorry for remembering every single little fucking occasion you ever think of celebrating! I’m sorry for reading every word you’ve ever written!’ he rages and sputters rain at me. ‘I’m sorry for all this time… all this fucking time. All this… time….’ he chokes these last words quietly. I just stare at him because I have no defence. ‘You can’t have all of me this way any more, Ella. I just can’t do it.’ He looks broken standing there in the rain. I broke Ben. All these years and I thought things were perfect and all it was was perfect for me. I feel so selfish, because even now I don’t want him to go. Can’t let him go. He can’t go. I stand and approach him. When he’s close I feel his warmth like a halo around him. And I need that warmth and I can’t imagine not having it. ‘I think I need you to kiss me. As to drugs..." I giggled, " ... my chemistry set is in the house." Your chemistry set? Oh my! Do we need to talk about this?" I laughed."You know one of the major industries for chemists to go to work in is pharmaceuticals, Mom. They even called pharmacists 'chemists.' I'm not making any drugs in my room, but I've been studying about them." So you are pretty set on becoming a chemist, huh?" Mom said as she settled down on my blanket cross-legged to talk to me. She fingered the blanket. "Where did you get this blanket?" Oh no! It was Joanne's."I just grabbed it out of a box in the attic," I said quickly. "Is it okay? I just figured it was an old quilt and no one would notice." Hmm. It must have been one of your Grandmother Frost's. I don't recognize it. So, about your career. You are a freshman in high school now. I suppose you have the future all worked out." Not really. I know you were being facetious. But I think about it a lot. I really like chemistry. But I like cooking, too. Do.
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